Professional Asshole

In high school I played at the amateur level
Beating up the queers and the punks
Now I've gone pro, I got official permission
To kick the shit out of poor homeless drunks
I'll treat you the same, whether you're criminally insane
Or I catch you drinking beer in the park
Now your face is a mess - "STOP RESISTING ARREST!"
I love to go to work when it's dark...'cause I'm a

Professional asshole
You'll know me by the flashlight (teargas) I shine (smash/throw) in your face
Working for the rich to dig a big ditch
To keep the poor down in their place...'cause I'm a
Professional asshole
I don't have to wait til I get off shift
How does a psychopathic thug get a badge and a gun?
I guess that I was born with a gift

I'll tell ya a little something, just between you and me:
I get laid because I carry a gun
Snorting confiscated coke, nailing hookers for free
Being a cop sure is fun
But I'm getting sick and tired of having to pretend
That I'm here to give the public a hand
So I think I'll quit the force and be a border guard instead
I know the Customs Agents all understand...what it means to be a

-Chorus-

Working over immigrants, musicians and freaks
I can strip-search any woman I want
If you don't look like me, I'm your worst enemy
But hey, I'm just doing my job
Transit cops, bouncers and security guards
Secret shoppers and railroad bulls
If you're looking for a license to practise legal violence
Your career is waiting right here for you...you too can be a

-Chorus-